Subconscious attempts at doing Nothing

from by you beside me while i have a heart attack

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In the living room when I sit with mom theres a piece of you thats never gone, it seeps into subconscious attempts at doing nothing or it colors just more apathy in meaning, when I talk with friends about having kids there’s always this marked hesitation when I say that I’m not sure but I know it means I’d rather have more summers of not fucking up. I haven’t got a christmas card for the past three years, have you give up? That shit doesn’t get better yeah thats a permanent scar every time you’re brought up it’s like a crash without cars, I’m so jolted and livid I wish I could just see the love in it. Yet I’ll forever be jaded by your comments in angst when you’d talk about space but wouldn’t let me have space. When my favorite shoes were like six different colors, when you called the cops I guess it’s what I deserved

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from flexing, released July 26, 2016

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you beside me while i have a heart attack Portland, Oregon

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