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An Infinite Light in the Sadness

by you beside me while i have a heart attack

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1.
why does it have to remind me of a new home built of dust the leopard in the basement that makes guests assume things the desert is blowing up and if i fall asleep tonight, my limbs will twitch with a dream of a better me it aches to become me my muscles are twitching shut the puce of the comfort thats streams bloody mucus, looking at my eyeballs meniscus so long that its stupid, in fantasy getting rid of parts that are wrapping for the gore that becomes me when no one is laughing, the drone in the bedroom never lessens in fervor, in a house built on mars in the sand for a pervert, above the door that holds oxygen that I’m breathing, is cast of an animal kept in permanent breeding why does the sand have to blind me, why can’t i grow while I’m growing up liquidated potential looks more and more like I’ve thrown it up why is the home always stupid, where the heart lays with and becomes scuffed the parts of my wrapping look more and more like a part thats rough
2.
special sweet, i will never forget our love, i will always remember your form in red clothing secret squeam, i will never go back to there, i will always just serve as a comfort beside it the gold guided nature of the heart that you wear you have within an enclosure, reaching out to feel it barely touching my hand my fist feels like adam, elated in stasis the juxtaposition of a shelf in the corner my view is obscured save for top of your head even as inanimate object i will always see u as a defunct protector sacred dream, i will never forget your love, i will always remember the place held inside it sleepless speech, i can never speak what it means, it is always averse to a humbler meaning special speech, my mouth moves like it feels
3.
space is the place to drain the duct, my will dissolve and dissipate into an alien life form looking back at earth i make a point to be clever, my lever that erupts and blows up the whole world telling the moon dust it is a paradise nightmare, the rover and the footprints as my only two friends filling the holes with my expanding saliva, when the hole is gone there will be nothing to tend and thats when peace can start and that when my body will sink into the ether i can drown the hole see how the thought makes me salivate the moon is so vacant i must spit for forever my organs all shrivel into vacuum sealed sacks i breathe in the soft flakes and take one step closer, a mild emphysema as the sign of a friend the hold that it has on me phlegmatic and tiding, the axe of my old self to grind on a dead earth thinking a while about the sound of the vacuum, of my fluid forever as the core of the moon the thought surrounds me i just can’t let it go, like the old dead flesh it phases in and out expanding low the stench is glowing i think ill let it grow, the old sad sack of meat and skin i had once now is snow to moon is sacred, to become the thing you know, the last rip test from the gravity mesh as you float up from the bow the arc transcends me it i just can’t let it go, to me the man on the moon who mistook a balloon for the fun he had below
4.
Wetboy 01:48
wet boy you are a coma of warmth you are an absolute freak to me the way you swing your meat and fall in love with the seat that loves you just the way you are moisture that wicks from your bottom, the sweet the sweet the squeeze fiction that held you separate from sodom, the salt, the fault, the seed i love you just way you are i don’t care about repulsive misfunction my sweet you smell like stink it makes me think what we have was real wet boy you are freak in the sheets but a gentlemen on the beach the way the water beats on you finely placed teeth that lay you bare in oceans heart the oil slick that seeps from your steeping, the grease the funk the steeze a kindness that keeps the heart beating a sign, a loss, malfeased i love you just the way you are i don’t care that you are losing your function my boy you are so sweet it makes me think what you had was real i’ll always love you for the thing you are i don’t care if your heart no longer functions oh mercy please be sweet the ocean goes slow as a monster
5.
i just can’t wait to be honest today, the shadows grow up so fast, something makes shit last the cloudless sky as mother icarus as son, the soft blanket of peace looks like your face I just can’t wait to feel the tension break, the pressure of the earnesty, breaking up with matter i just can’t wait to see your glowing place, your soul ascend forever your ozone coat the world i just can’t wait to show you how it fades, the steam could never last, the night is just off black drop in height as comfort, icarus has won, the feel of ocean swallowing your grace I just can’t wait to feel the tension break, the pleasure in the honesty, seeing self as such
6.
why do I have bugs in my head all subtle linguistic meaning is blurred upon a fabric that’s worn like a walking nouveau the pretense of the weaver in an object for the eating it has never been that different, its just a change in actualizing. all beasts grow to have two separate heads, one that lives on softly and one that loudly rakes its flesh switching between portions to finally cull the rest, my mind is open i finally feel free at last
7.
i can grow into the soil and split into pieces be planted as cutting while like a worm with a thousand hearts i can aerate my hovel to be shelter and eating while the bird that thrives on me feeds the gosling my pieces as i turn into sheathing it is the bird that holds the peace, to just take from the system and keep the wheels rolling the bird is so like me I’m just growing and eating to keep my heart beating the abstract shape of the jay’s fallen young as it rots into sidewalk my branches become numb the organ and iron that fuse with my carbon the darkened spot that the rotted bird gave um a piece of the self thats been processed by others indistinct from the part that once loved her i continue to branch into some deeper fabric that sucks at my roots just another new habit i guess i can rot into the soil and try to resurface the face of a lost twin it spins in my stomach to be birthed in my refuse to replace me as cancer in some broken half circle like a rot of the system i wither to fungus, my muscles my tendons are losing their tension the bird thats so like me holding flame to its feathers seeking kind of affection
8.
you can't love a horse if you don’t let yourself run like an animal to feel as the beast does the wind feels like vomit attacking your breathing, to fully run towards storm as a way to escape it turn eyes inside yourself look at you beastial heart and the blue gunk its bleeding your organs are precipice between a part that you know and a thing you could be its not real reflection to just look at yourself your skin on the outside as signs underneath it the shards of the mirror that show you some true parts to dig in your skin with the eyes of a friend turn eyes inside yourself look at you beastial heart and the blue gunk its bleeding your organs are precipice between a part that you know and a thing you could be the nature of confidence bottled inside a lung and the breath that is beating you marrow that lifts the blood between a self that you are and the beast that you see
9.
layered in sky separating in anxiety, the launch is slow the fuel is cold, the heat pierces through the side of the language of parts of labor dissecting the hole all my life I’ve turned into crude oil, the pressure turning my sensing parts numb, mashed into you but bisected by foil, my heat emanating into your lungs but to be with you in the womb, separated part of the other inside it now, the tensile strength of vocal chords stretched from the space between mouth and adherence, baby said goodbye from the shuttle tonight she screamed so loud her ears started bleeding sublime in a particle, leaking the silvery scent of emission and healing breaking the tension the surface is placid with rock or the tank perforating in fervor the well of obsession with judith in furs as she enters the freedom of going to azure or lingering pressure she floats like a buoy the arm is in texas the rest is just liquid the memory of finally spelling it right for the first time relived into the missing to be with you in the womb, the distance is so much in between molecules the tensile strength of a loving heart stretched between space touching thousands of infants baby tried to sleep in the cosmos tonight, she tried so hard but she slept in the mantle sublime in the lack of light that showed through the trial exposed to a candle
10.
even as your voice floats soft away, the imprint of taper of tabor the mountain of helen the mountain of climbing the mountain of killing the mountain peace lost on tonight, the better the savior, the laughters not right, the more saved the wretch is even as the page that marks the day turns to ash with the flower that marked today as the only living thing a tension hold the mountain drills through mountain owns the mountain, wrestling the dirt that slips away the fight keeps on fighting the peace goes on tonight, i am too tired to battle a mountain, the disease is it it ill just let the wind take it
11.
touching you in the soft light of the moon the white gets dim forever, feeling space all dejection in its place the drift of growing limbs that grasp out trying for the other taking off, fucking up, burning out, burning up the faulty insulation caves and self is raw to sky it’s not enough, the challengers white remnant haunts tonight it’s touching you
12.
Fear Demon 01:33
keep it on a shelf it's doing just fine even in your perfect slime I’m alright nothings gotten closer to a real life i can be a shoulder for you just tonight solving every feature as a fraction of a shell the self is just a fortress in a wonderful hell sharing all your secrets transmitting tonight hoping after airing that you’re feeling alright why don’t you help me with my own demons they’re large and scary and shaped like a person why when you say sorry does it sound like a grievance its humble and surfaced it feels like an urchin keep it to yourself you are doing just fine in some new broken light I’m looking alright i just can’t see myself as some white knight i just doubt every comfort that you hold tight sorry for my mind its just losing some time i keep leaving the stove on like all night our house will go to heaven and you will die right i don’t want to make mistakes please don’t start fights
13.
yellow breaks the day, the detritus fill the sky again. the part that goes to waste, the tops of bottles renewed as a living thing \ why don’t you send me a christmas card and we’ll feel better about the ways we’ve grown apart love is a breathing thing we let ours starve the steel that straightens me up is caving its time to make peace with a begotten craving thank heaven for the rain the launch a quiet perfect time to see what we forgot the body turns to flame, the fingertips of god revisit a painless dream why don’t you send me a perfect arm and i’ll feel better about the ways that i fall apart blood is a breathing thing we let ours dart the fuel that you transmute from me to your spaceship is not a sign that i hated or loved it it’s just a sign that i wanted you to breathe too

about

Recorded from 2016 to 2018. The FINAL album from YBMWIHAHA. This album is about the Challenger explosion and takes the perspective of an anthropomorphized space shuttle that falls in love with a passenger and ends up killing her because it's not paying attention.

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released November 30, 2018

Thanks to my friends and everyone else who helps me to ascend

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you beside me while i have a heart attack Boston, Massachusetts

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